Never Again
by last instinct
Summary: Sirius and James have a brilliant idea. Wherein Sirius sounds like a complete flamer. SiriusRemus slash, SiriusJames make out. Oneshot. T for safety.


Two tall figures pushed aside some chubby second years in skirts far too short for them and raced over to the fire, skidding on the carpet. Remus looked up from his book and Peter from his photo album, where he was sliding pictures of the Marauders, Lily, and his girlfriend Lucy into. Sirius slid into Remus' chair, squishing the shorter boy into the arm.

"Jamie and I have had the best idea, Moony, but we figure we better ask your permission first."

"What about me?" Peter interjected defensively.

"Shush, Wormtail. Anyway, love, me and Prongs had the best idea ever to get money." Sirius was speaking in his hyper I'm-up-to-no-good voice (that also made him sound like the poster child for a flaming gay boy, which unfortunately attracted many looks and giggles). "Me and him make-out" – Remus coughed and raised his eyebrows – "Hold on, darling. We make-out for over eager girls and boys who will shell out good money to see two of the most attractive people in the school – apart from you, of course – about maybe three galleons for a ticket. What do you think?"

"I don't know," Remus said hesitantly, adjusting so his ribs weren't quite as pushed on. He knew that at any moment Sirius would tilt his head and begin to kiss his neck, because that's what Sirius always did when he wanted Remus' approval for something. Instead, he moved his head back, making Sirius miss his target and instead did the same to Sirius, pressing his lips to the side of his seventeen year old boyfriend's neck softly. "I don't know," he repeated, "I do love having you all to myself, of course, but I suppose," he kissed up Sirius' jaw, ignoring his friends' groans, "If you have something to offer, I can let you."

"Must you two molest each other in public view? I was trying to eat," James said, waving a licorice wand at them and frowning. He was, as usual, ignored completely since they knew it was just a jab at their public relationship anyway.

Sirius untilted his head and grinned, throwing his arms around Remus. "Thanks Moony!" It was back to his excited super flamer voice. "We're going to charm the posters so that no one over eighteen can read them. Oi, you over there," he added to a couple giggly fourth year girls who rushed over. "Put these up all over the notice boards of the Castle. Thanks girls."

"You just have the female population under your thumb, don't you?" Remus asked, amused.

"You would too, if you tried. You're just nicer to them instead of, I dunno, charming."

"Shut up and sit on my lap, love."

"Oh gods, you guys, do you have to?" Peter asked, sticking his tongue out.

"Yes, yes we do," Sirius said, straddling Remus' hips.

-

Long red scratches littered Sirius' back, clearly seen by Remus as the taller boy was lying on his stomach to avoid the stinging. The two of them were on Remus' bed, which smelled a whole lot like pot and sex, for good reasons; Remus inhaled deeply before handing the joint they were sharing to Sirius. "Sorry about the scratches, Padfoot. I can cut my nails tomorrow if you want me to."

"S'all right," he shrugged. "I know what happens when I don't stop you from going that rough. You don't have to cut your nails. I like them how they are; they're good for painting right now." He inhaled and blew the smoke out through his teeth. There was a loud knock on the door and Remus jumped up, pulling on a pair of flannel pajama pants; the two of them were the only ones in the room and undoubtedly it was someone wanting a ticket (they had already gotten so many sales that they decided to do the show tomorrow).

Shuffling over to the door, he opened it and was nearly pushed over by a gaggle of sixth years thrusting money at him and giggling about his appearance, undoubtedly sure what he had been doing. He took the money and distributed tickets before closing the door and sliding back into the bed. Sirius had pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms as well and turned on his side.

Remus pressed their lips together softly and smiled into Sirius'.

"Love you."

"Love you more."

"Never."

-

When he woke up in the morning, Sirius' back, no longer stinging, was pressed against Remus' chest, and an arm was wrapped around, a hand grasping his. He supposed it was James' distressed sleep-murmuring that woke him up, but in any case he wasn't possibly falling back asleep and he already felt Remus stirring against him. "Morning."

"Morning," Remus replied, kissing the back of Sirius' neck softly.

"More like afternoon," Peter said from just next to the bed. "You two decent?"

"Yeah."

He pulled back the curtains and winced at the scratches on Sirius' back as he rolled over and stood up, but said nothing. "Come on then you two, get a shower or something. Preferably separate ones," he added as the two eyed each other. "We can make it in time for lunch if you do."

Peter turned. "Oi, Prongs, get up you great lug!"

-

The Marauders were stopped several times on the way to lunch by overeager girls and boys wishing to watch Sirius and James snogging – not a big surprise, really. When they sat down to lunch (a charming Italian themed one, much to their enjoyment), they were nearly mobbed and James had to take care of it since it was his turn.

Sirius and Remus were both feeling not too hungry so they ate off of the same plate of spaghetti, which many girls sitting close thought was rather cute (even though across the table Lily, who had joined them, and James were doing the same). It was no surprise that eventually the two closely entwined boys would be eating the same exact noodle and as they finished it, went into a rather vigorous bit of snogging until they were both tapped on a shoulder by a blushing Professor Sprout.

"Boys, I do not think that kind of behavior is exactly appropriate at lunch time."

Remus politely blushed while Sirius continued half groping him under the table mischievously.

-

It was about three when they went out to meet the crowd by the lake, all grinning at their newfound profit.

Sirius had the job of collecting tickets (while some people attempted and failed to touch him in inappropriate ways) and letting students into the roped off area that James had summoned up. He sauntered in after the last few people entered and found James leaning against the tree in a clumsily seductive position.

Tying back his hair with a long black ribbon, he marched up to James and pressed the bespectacled boy against the rough bark and pressed their lips together. The first thing he noticed about kissing James was that it was absolutely nothing like kissing Remus; James' face was fuller, his lips were smaller, his eyes weren't nearly as pleasant to look into, but most of all it didn't feel electrifying.

In fact, kissing James made him realize just how lucky he was to have Remus. Nevertheless, he did have an obligation, and so he tilted his head and probed at James' mouth with his tongue before quickly breaking away; James' mouth was quite bitter for some reason. It also didn't help that the crowd was cheering loudly.

His friend's legs slid down between his as he was pinned up and he kissed down James' jaw halfheartedly before James obviously got tired of waiting for it to speed up and reversed their positions to take charge. He thoroughly ravaged Sirius' mouth and the taller boy got the impression that James was actually enjoying it somewhat.

-

They spent at least half an hour to give the girls and boys in the crowd their moneys worth of snogging, and when they broke apart they both looked at each other and nodded before turning and racing over to where Remus and Lily stood, both looking slightly uncomfortable. Sirius did a flying jump at Remus, who caught him and staggered back, tripping over the rope and toppling over, still holding Sirius. By the time they sat up, they were attached at the lips. "Never again," Sirius murmured.

"I wouldn't let you."

_Fin._

AN: My first fanfic ever… How was it?


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